We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Its about making memories worth repressing
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
