There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
