And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
