I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
