i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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