what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
