If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
