Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
