everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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