I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
