party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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