i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
