Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
