When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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