Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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