some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
