i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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