Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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