just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
