I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
