I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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