i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
