I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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