i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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