She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
