Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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