Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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