ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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