You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
