I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
