just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
