....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm like, not good at living.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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