He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
