there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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