i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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