I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
