the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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