Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
