the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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