I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
