If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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