Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
