your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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