[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
