she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
