what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i out mim tonsoeep
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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