I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
