I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
