just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish you could order shots online.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
