You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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