The police scanner is talking about you again....
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
