You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
