i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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