I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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