you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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